Gummy Bears

Gummy bears come in in raspberry (red), orange, strawberry lime(green), pineapple (clear), and lemon (yellow) flavors.

The large majority of gummy bears are made gummy by gelatin.

A gummy bear made with gelatin and put into a container of water overnight will swell immensely, growing to a multiple of its original size.

There is nothing vaguely vegetarian or vegan about gelatin. Unless you would like to be lied to an live in an alternate reality. Then, of course, gelatin is safe for vegans and vegetarians.

Gelatin is an *irreversibly* altered form of collagen from the skin, bones and/or cartilage of horses, cows or pigs. The monster Frankenstein was also somewhat irreversibly altered. I am just saying.

It is generally not possible to verify from which animal your gelatin was derived. Gelatin is therefore a highly problematic ingredient for muslims, jews, hindus, and horse fanatics.

Gelatin has an E number of E-411, (European food additive classification system number) which means (drumroll please) that it is classified as a natural gum.

In fact, some chewing gums have gelatin. Most have chicle and are shellacked with ingredients that come from mashed-up insects. However, if you want to be sure you are imbibing the spirit of a fellow large mammal, go for chewing gum with gelatin, such as Ice Breaker’s Ice Cubes.

Gelatin is jiggly. And can even slow a bullet. Or, as we have seen above, a man, inexplicably being shot through green gelatin.

It is fun to rip off the heads of gummy bears with one’s eyeteeth.

There is something primordially satisfying about this action, no doubt harking back to the days of ripping cartilage from the bones of freshly hunted game.

Gelatin is suspected of containing prion, which is a misfolded protein capable of carrying Mad Cow disease.

All gum manufacturers, and quite possibly the Germans at the Haribo company who invented Gummy Bears, know that the more you chew, the more your salivary glands secrete salivia, which aids the disgestion process.

No wonder gummy bears are so satisfying. I need all the saliva possible to digest those porcine prions imbedded with Mad Cow disease. It’s me against the gummy bear. And I’m determined to show who is the boss.

Laura Hartmark is a writer and is glad you took the time to read this blog.

~ by lhdwriter on July 31, 2009.

5 Responses to “Gummy Bears”

  1. lmaoooooooooo funny pics

  2. that was very entertaining and I thank you for that. not many sites can hold my attention for very long because i have the attention span of a cat. do you have any other things like this? and where did you find all thouse pics?

  3. when i was 19 i worked in a factory, and Norma who worked next to me told me that collagen was made from aborted babies and that she threw out all her lotions that contained collagen and i should do the same. my mom said that she listens to too much christian talk radio.

  4. [...] Credit: super fun patrol; eus imaging; capricorn 007; Laura Hartmark; ohdeedoh; morning paper; [...]

  5. wait are there really bugs that were used to make gummy bears

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